does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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