I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
