If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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