Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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