She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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