you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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