just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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