And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
