dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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