there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
