Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
