I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
