Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
