yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
