i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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