He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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