Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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