I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize