SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
