my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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