I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
