3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
tell me about the fingering
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