i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
