I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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