I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
