i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
