I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize