If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
