She announced her abortion via fbk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
