If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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