okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
