Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize