One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
