note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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