I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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