he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
