i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
