I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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