you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
