hotel room ftw
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
