WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
