Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
