i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
