I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
