Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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