Your face is a jimmy john
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
