If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
