I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize