i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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