dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
