when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
