if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
