She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
