matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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