You work out of a Hotel?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
