I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
