I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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