What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
