all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
