I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish I only lived at night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
