loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
