the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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