she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
