girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
