Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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