this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
