Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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