I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
