I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
