I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
