please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
