goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize