I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
