captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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