i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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